There are so many things I need to say… I have paragraphs and paragraphs of drafts for many of my future blogs but for now – my art is about to fill up a studio space and I am working on a lot of visual art with little time to write my feelings and of Jacob with 100 percent reference. I can hear Jacob saying “Baby, I always told you how creative you were visually I love to see you doing this…” Ugh. Life is so fucking hard up here. Another topic for another blog post.
I thought I would share one of my “pieces”, which sounds a little pretentious… but it illustrates what goes through my mind often and what I cannot always put into words.
Anything I can remotely relate to in grief has come from the Jewish faith… (and the wisdom literature from the old testament) – and remember, I am not religious although I want to be desperately, so I am open to all wisdom. I don’t close myself off because my generation thinks it is “cool” to ignore or reject religion… yeah, try that philosophy when life brings you to your knees, assholes. I couldn’t think of better tenants to follow than those of the Jewish stories and lessons and to model your life as Jesus – love for the widows, homeless, mentally ill and those without a voice, Why reject the change to model yourself and aim to be a being of absolute kindness, as my sweet Jacob for a label? Agh. Jacob and I felt this same way…
“The work of grieving is the hardest work there is. It is lonely, sickening and exhausting. Grief is the price we pay for love. It is the highest price.”
—Rabbi Earl Grollman”
The one update I will provide right ow is that I have been teaching Art classes to the homeless – and I couldn’t think of a better population, facing similar (but highly different) ills of life and extreme depression… but finding a way to find joy – such as myself (in small ways).
Many things to say / more to come.