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I have been silenced. insulted. beaten. junk piled. railroaded. and HarvardUniversity professor Steve Seidel said “I am scared she will shoot up the place” when he saw my CPTSD diagnosis

Hello fellow readers… those trying to find light …. please know I did not abandon this blog because “I got busy” – but Harvard University has been blackmailing me and violating the disability clause in the civil rights amendment by both subtly and overtly discriminating against me based on the first disability listed – PTSD.

 

I have a very long article in the works that I have been working on with Harvard Business Professor in his “op ed” writing course  … all my studio art, visual art, film and architecture courses have been excellent (relatively) and the professors value my contributions.

 

But the Harvard Graduate School of Education? Dirty Dirty fuckers. I haven’t taken one course there in my last year and isn’t that a feather in your cap… (david sedaris inside joke with jacob)- anyway… how can people be asking about gender pronouns when they won’t even acknowledge my existence? my humanity?

 

So… now that i am almost graduated. applied. obviously not walking because that was Jacob’s seat to sit in …. and Harvard is a monster- I am coming

out with the truth.

 

 

Blog Post

If you can say it, why paint it?

SecondTest

There are so many things I need to say… I have paragraphs and paragraphs of drafts for many of my future blogs but for now – my art is about to fill up a studio space and I am working on a lot of visual art with little time to write my feelings and of Jacob with 100 percent reference. I can hear Jacob saying “Baby, I always told you how creative you were visually I love to see you doing this…” Ugh. Life is so fucking hard up here. Another topic for another blog post.

I thought I would share one of my “pieces”, which sounds a little pretentious… but it illustrates what goes through my mind often and what I cannot always put into words.

Anything I can remotely relate to in grief has come from the Jewish faith… (and the wisdom literature from the old testament) – and remember, I am not religious although I want to be desperately, so I am open to all wisdom. I don’t close myself off because my generation thinks it is “cool” to ignore or reject religion… yeah, try that philosophy when life brings you to your knees, assholes. I couldn’t think of better tenants to follow than those of the Jewish stories and lessons and to model your life as Jesus – love for the widows, homeless, mentally ill and those without a voice, Why reject the change to model yourself and aim to be a being of absolute kindness, as my sweet Jacob for a label? Agh. Jacob and I felt this same way…

“The work of grieving is the hardest work there is. It is lonely, sickening and exhausting. Grief is the price we pay for love. It is the highest price.”
—Rabbi Earl Grollman”

The one update I will provide right ow is that I have been teaching Art classes to the homeless – and I couldn’t think of a better population, facing similar (but highly different) ills of life and extreme depression… but finding a way to find joy – such as myself (in small ways).

Many things to say / more to come.

 

-F